Green Lantern #10
A Guy & His Gnort: Part 2 of 4

Script: Gerard Jones
Pencil Man: Joe Staton
Inks: Bruce Patterson
ABC's(letters): Albert De Guzman
Sturm: Kevin Dooley
Drang: Andy Helfer

Note:  this is a departure from the normal style of summaries here at the Shrine, however I think the story itself warranted it.  After reading it, you will undoubtedly, as do I, want to wish HåM_00 (Chris M.) a speedy and complete recovery!  :)

Bring in the Clowns

     The comic starts out with THE GREAT GNORT, pleasuring us with a symphony he has created to the tune of the Green Acres theme song.  As THE GREAT GNORT begins to entertain Guy Gardner with another hymn, Guy rudely interrupts with an emerald punch from his power ring.  THE GREAT GNORT then lands on his planet, and is greeted with praise from all of his planet. Then THE GREAT GNORT introduces Guy to the people of his planet, and he quite abruptly whacks them all with a green newspaper. THE GREAT GNORT begins stories of his great journeys, and Guy apparently becomes more jealous than a Gnewtian seeing another Gnewtian with a power ring, and pulls him away. 
     THE GREAT GNORT leads Guy to his uncle’s pad. THE GREAT GNORT’s uncle, THE GREAT GNEWMANN, is the richest pimp on Gnewt. All men are dogs on Gnewt.  Literally. THE GREAT GNEWMANN created a paradise with his power ring. It’s like a power ring paradise!  But at least the women are real.  Even if they’re dogs.  Literally.  Guy and THE GREAT GNEWMANN begin to have a conversation, so THE GREAT GNEWMANN throws a ball for THE GREAT GNORT to fetch. THE GREAT GNORT is ecstatic about this opportunity, so he decides to let Guy in on the fun, but he shoves THE GREAT GNORT out of his uncle’s place
     As Guy is distracted, THE GREAT GNEWMANN signals a space probe, which obviously must be great, and tells it that the Green Lantern of sector 2814 is asking about his “power ring”.  Senselessly, the two men in the probe think he’s talking about Hal Jordan.  Ignoramuses.  The two spacemen then set forth on a foolish escapade. THE GREAT GNEWMANN & friends then sit down to a dainty banquet of smelly crap.  Guy, of course, is unpleased by their offering, and pins THE GREAT GNEWMANN & THE GREAT GNORT  against the wall with a large, green, pronged utensil.  He then demands the knowledge of who gave them their powerful jewelry.  (For you simpletons, a pronged utensil is a fork, and powerful jewelry is a power ring -CM)  
     The Double G’s (Guy Gardner + THE GREAT GNORT ) then fly off to see a lantern of green, 2814, not 3.   He’s in a green bubble, and he’s bout to be troubled by the G’s of double, gonna pound ‘em into rubble.  The lantern’s of green, sippin’ coffee, talk about a Poglachi, who gives away phony rings.  And THE GREAT GNORT’S out, of the bubble gonna shout, and Hal kicks ‘em both out, so the G’s see what the Poglachi all about. (Think of a title that’s the bomb, and send an e-mail to HåM, not Tom! -CM). 
      Later, the nincompoop spaceman and his dunderhead friend (the ones in search of Hal Jordan -CM) find two ring traces, one pure OAn, the other Anti-OAn.  Two flying nitwits going to fight two other airborne lamebrains?  Hmmmm.  Sounds a lot like Dragonball Z.  (^LS^aN^wE^sE^uZⁱE^t -CM)  The Double G’s arrive at the Poglachi planet, and see some circus tents.  Clouds mysteriously form in the sky, and a lightning bolt hits both Guy and THE GREAT GNORT, almost as if it were aiming for them.  Guy makes a fan with his ring and blows the clouds away.  AH HA!  The ninnies are revealed! So it was the probemen that threw the lightning bolts!
     Guy(who has now earned the respect of bigger type) is very mad, after his long day on THE GREAT PLANET OF GNEWT, charges at them, and the boobs still think he is Hal Jordan!  Those stupid boobs.  Guy easily beats them up, and proclaims that he feels much better.  The spaceman then tells him that the Poglachi are on the planets surface and IF YOU PARK IT, THEY WILL COME. So they go down to the planet, and sure enough, 15 or so little clowns step out of a small car. (No one likes that gag, anyway. -CM)  A buffoon with a flower then states that they are THE GUARDIANS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!